Your Protector
by nimowae17
Summary: Commander Shepard found comfort and protection in the arms of the one person who always had her back: Garrus Vakarian. But now the Reapers are destroying everything in their path and her former romance with Kaidan may still not be over. T for Language and implied adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

**Your Protector**

**Disclaimer: Do not own anything in regards to Bioware or Mass Effect. **

**In ME1, my Commander Shepard romanced Kaidan Alenko. Then in ME2, I romanced Garrus. So in ME3, I was expecting more of a confrontation between the three characters and was sorely disappointed when the only time it was mentioned was when Kaidan was in the hospital. I wrote this fan fiction because I believe their would be more intensity (and yes, even drama) in regards to Shepard's interactions with both Kaidan and Garrus in ME3. Will contain flashbacks.**

**This is my second fan fiction. Reviews are always appreciated. **

* * *

Shit this was awkward but it had to be done. Major Kaidan Alenko of the Alliance Navy was a major pain in the ass as far as Garrus was concerned. It was true, Kaidan's biotics were immensely powerful, a magnitude of force that was formidable and impressive. His tech skills rivaled Garrus and Tali's abilities which was not an insignifigent feat. Then there was the fact that he managed to be promoted twice in two years within the Alliance Navy and now he was appointed as the second human Spectre by the Council.

"A great resume," mumbled Garrus under his breath. Despite Alenko's accomplishments, there was the unrelenting fact that he had single handedly managed to break Jamison's heart into a thousand undecipherable pieces and left her in the dust without a backwards glance. _Jamison_ he thought. Not Commander, not Commander Shepard, not even just Shepard, she was Jamison. When the commander had first told Garrus her first name, he had stuttered and stumbled over the unfamiliar syllables but now her name came easily and thoughtlessly. As protocol determined, Garrus always paid Shepard the proper respect by using her formal title on the field or in front of the crew. Then there were the softer moments when they were alone and she was simply Jamison again. Garrus thought fondly on their time together in the main battery as he rallied the necessity of constant calibrations or when they were alone in her cabin…

_Your about to confront her ex-boyfriend about his abdominal behavior, Vakarian. This really isn't the best time for fantasizing. _It was a rational argument but Garrus still couldn't help the thoughts that flooded his consciousness. There was a particular memory that Garrus could never forget…

It was after the Collector base and before the destruction of the Bahak system, when both Shepard and Garrus had taken shore leave in Illium. Liara had offered the use of her apartment now that she was firmly established as the Shadow Broker and the apartment was left conveniently vacant.

* * *

"Do you want to see a vid?" Garrus had asked her. Garrus was still shaky with the idea of taking shore leave with Shepard. He enjoyed being with her but what did the illustrious Commander Shepard do with her free time? When did she have free time? Joker had informed him that all women loved going on dates and Tali confirmed this was correct. Hell, even EDI has chimed in with providing information regarding human courtship behavior and mating customs.

The only problem is that Shepard was proving to be the exception to the rule. Of all the women in the entire galaxy, Jamison Shepard didn't want to go out on a date and for the life of him, Garrus couldn't figure out why. _But of course Jamison Shepard wouldn't be like most women._ _Everything about her was anything but ordinary. _

Jamison raised an eyebrow in response, "Do you really want to see Blasto?" They were sitting in Liara's living room, close together on the couch. As the darkness of night settled in, they had cracked open a couple of beers and the fireplace was rumbling quietly with dancing flames. It was a peaceful setting.

"It's got great reviews," he countered.

Jamison laughed, "If you want to we can. It's your shore leave too and I'm not about to be selfish."

"Commander Shepard? Selfish? I don't think the two concepts have ever crossed paths."

Shepard almost choked on her beer. "I didn't think sarcasm was a Turian trait," she sputtered ungraciously.

It was Garrus' turn to laugh as he took one of her hands gently into his, always careful not to scratch her with his talons. "You know it's true. Your one of the most selfless people I've ever met." Finally, the smile broke across Jamison's face. It was a rare and beautiful thing these days and Garrus found he was developing an appetite for her smiles. "Of course, we could always go dancing if you prefer…" Shepard gasped in fake shock and punched his arm. _It didn't hurt_, Garrus thought to himself unconvincingly. "Now that was sarcasm," he added, rubbing his arm.

Shepard shook her head, placing her hand on his shoulder and leaning over to kiss the Turian equivalent of a cheek. "It better be."

Garrus caught her hand, wanting her to stay close. "Hey…there's something I've been meaning to tell you."

"Okay," Shepard replied nonchalantly using her diplomatic voice. This was the voice that Shepard reserved when she didn't know if the situation was good or bad but she was determined not to display any emotion. Garrus had heard it countless times and he felt a slight twinge of guilt at the idea of causing her distress. Shepard had developed the habit of assuming the worst about any given situation. He couldn't blame her for it.

Rather than reassuring her with words, Garrus let go of her hand and carefully removed his visor. Typically speaking, Garrus only did this when certain 'physical' activities were about to take place but this was an exception. Garrus turned it to the left side where the names of his team on Omega were inscribed. Above the eleven names, there was a singular name all by itself: _Jamison_.

Jamison green eyes flashed up to meet his in unexpected surprise. "Garrus…" she started out. "Thank you."

Garrus placed the visor on the coffee table and turned his entire body to face her. This was too important and he didn't want Shepard to miss a word. "We're not really an average couple…so I don't know how to do…boyfriend things or human things for that matter." Shepard was about to interrupt but he shook his head. "You better let me get this out because despite our romantic involvement, I've actually been meaning to say this quite for some time."

Shepard nodded silently, biting her lip in anticipation.

"When I lost my crew on Omega, I can't tell you how long I blamed myself and my own recklessness for their deaths. I know that there was nothing I could do save them, outside of anticipating Sidonis' betrayal which clearly did not happen. But these events…they changed me Jamison. It made me realize that as long as it's in my power to help people, namely the people I care about, then I must to everything to protect them…to save them if I can."

"You can't save everyone," she brought out softly, reflecting on her own losses.

"No, I can't but that doesn't mean I won't damn well try."

Shepard sighed out of frustration and worry. "Garrus, I know you want to protect me but you can't take all of this responsibility on to your shoulders. There may come a day when you won't be able to help me."

"I know that Jamison, trust me I need you to understand." With this pause, Garrus again reached out for her hand and placed it over his chest. "I care about you. The galaxy lost you once and I may not be able to prevent that from happening again. But I want you to know that I will do everything in power to help you, to protect you…to save you if I can. As long as I can help it, I'm keeping you alive. I will always have your back Jamison. It's a promise."

The tears that were brimming in Jamison's eyes finally poured forth and all Garrus could do was take her in his arms, praying to the spirits that she was crying out of joy and not sorrow. Turian's didn't cry but he had known that humans did so when experiencing pain or sadness or even happiness. But Shepard was a surprising human. She rarely cried and when she did so, it was always unexpected.

Garrus was even more surprised when her sobs finally silenced and she looked up to him with desire shining in her eyes. "Make love to me, Garrus," she whispered. In that moment he found everything about her irresistible.

* * *

Shaking off the memory, Garrus exited the main battery. _It's time, your procrastinating._ Every stride towards Starboard Observation was becoming increasingly difficult. Garrus tried to blame in on the various hits he took from the Cerberus skirmish on the Citadel but even as the thought occurred, he knew it was a lie. At first Garrus thought he didn't want to have this conversation with Kaidan and that was the explanation for his delay. Then the realization occurred…. Garrus wanted to talk with Kaidan.

Pausing momentarily, he slowly realized that he had been _waiting_ for this moment where he could finally confront Kaidan about the past. The man had called her a traitor on Horizon, even when she faced hell and fury for the greater good, working with Cerberus to protect the colonies. Kaidan had questioned Shepard's allegiance to the Alliance, even when she turned herself into custody for no other reason than protecting the galaxy from the Reaper threat. The last straw was when Kaidan drew his gun on her, thinking he was protecting the Council and still entertaining the idea she could potentially be working with Cerberus.

But Shepard knew them both too well: The moment Garrus' talon touched the trigger she was ordering him to stand down and before Kaidan could utter another insult, she lowered her gun.

_So why did I wait? Why have I been putting this off? _The question had lingered as Garrus pushed the console button, opening the door to the Observation deck.

Kaidan looked up from a data report to see Garrus standing in the doorway. His brows furrowed for a half a second but he immediately resumed a blank expression.

"Hi Garrus," he stated calmly. "What can I do for you?

_Fear _his mind whispered. _I'm afraid for her and what this man can do to her. And what if I can't stop it?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Your Protector**

**Disclaimer: Do not own anything in regards to Bioware or Mass Effect.**

**In ME1, my Commander Shepard romanced Kaidan Alenko. Then in ME2, I romanced Garrus. So in ME3, I was expecting more of a confrontation between the three characters and was sorely disappointed when the only time it was mentioned was when Kaidan was in the hospital. I wrote this fan fiction because I believe their would be more intensity (and yes, even drama) in regards to Shepard's interactions with both Kaidan and Garrus in ME3. Will contain flashbacks.**

**Rated T for Language and Sensuality**

**This is my second fan fiction. Reviews are always appreciated.**

* * *

"What can I do for you Garrus?" asked Kaidan, making an extra effort to keep his voice level. The daunting Turian remained standing in the doorway, his mandibles twitching slightly.

There was a time when Kaidan Alenko was good at reading people. It was a helpful skill he obtained at brain camp and continued to perfect as an adult. It had proved endlessly vital in dealing with politicians and soldiers alike. Now that Garrus had finally decided to confront him about Shepard, Kaidan couldn't even begin to identify what Garrus was feeling. Anger? Frustration? Threatened? There were too many possibilities.

Of course the overwhelming tension and unease hadn't always existed. As a matter of fact, Kaidan had once considered Garrus a friend, an honorable crew member who was steadfast and reliable. It was only three years ago when Shepard landed on Ilos with both Kaidan and Garrus at her heels. They had made a perfect ground team: the perfect combination of combat, biotic and tech defense. It was just one of a million things that changed when Shepard died. Kaidan doubted it would be the same again.

"Do you have a moment?" Garrus asked.

"I'm actually kind of busy," he replied lamely. Kaidan had been looking over the latest reports from Earth and although he was desperate to hear any news of his father, he tossed the data pad aside. "But I supposed your here to talk to me about Shepard so I doubt you're going to let me off that easy."

"You're correct there," Garrus replied firmly. He finally left the doorframe and took a seat on one of the couches that was opposite of Kaidan. _There's no going back now_, Garrus thought grimly. Kaidan leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms with a cautious look in his dark eyes. The human looked uncomfortable to say the least, as though bracing himself for the angry words that were destined to occur.

"You knew how I felt about her Garrus," Kaidan started unexpectedly. "Or at least I thought you did."

Garrus swallowed deep, willing his instantaneous rage to subside. _Of all the arrogant, asshole ways to start a conversation…_

"Yes, I thought you made it quite clear on Horizon when you called her a traitor, then on Mars when you accused her of still working with Cerberus," Garrus paused, noting how Kaidan's biotics flared slightly but decided to continue his line of thought. "But I have to say your latest stunt on the Citadel really made me think: There's a man in love." Garrus knew his sarcasm was rubbing salt in the wound. _I don't have to resort to sarcasm and biting remarks to make my point._ Garrus chided himself. _Besides, Jamison made it quite clear that I need to be polite. _

"Look Garrus, I was protecting the Council-"

"You drew a gun on her, Kaidan," Garrus said sharply, cutting him off._ To hell with polite words and good manners. This really is unbearable._ "Do you realize that you almost shot her in the elevator."

"I didn't know it was her," he started to explain. "I honestly thought it was Cerberus gunmen."

"A viable explanation for the elevator but what's your excuse for when you saw her in the cold light of day?"

Kaidan paused, his jaw tightening as all the unspoken furious words were threatening to burst out in a tirade of raw emotion. "My _excuse_," he said, emphasizing the insulting word. "Is that I had no idea what was going on except for that Cerberus was attacking the Citadel and the Council were in danger. Udina said that Shepard was still with Cerberus. I contemplated this and even though it didn't look great that Shepard had her gun aimed at Udina's head, I backed down and gave her the benefit of the doubt. There's also something that you need to remember Garrus: I had no idea that Udina was the traitor. You, Shepard and Liara had spoken with Bailey and the Salarian councilor. You had physical proof that Udina was working with Cerberus. I didn't have access to that information until later. How was I supposed to know that Udina was lying and Shepard was telling the truth?"

Garrus chuckled skeptically at the words. Kaidan had provided a logical defense of his actions but there was one key element that betrayed his faulty thinking. "Because you should _know_ _her_ Kaidan. You should know that she would never harm innocent lives and that she would never continue her work with Cerberus when the Alliance reinstated her. If you truly loved her, you would know that fact and never doubt it. Besides, when have you known Shepard to lie? Ever?"

Kaidan sighed heavily, his patience wearing thin and his exasperation coming to head. "Alright Garrus, fine. I should have never doubted her."

_That was too easy_. "But?"

"But nothing," Kaidan replied, sounding deflated.

"Come on Kaidan!" Garrus exclaimed, succumbing to the tension. "At least deal straight with me. We don't always agree and Spirits know we have different views about Jamison, but you can at least do me the courtesy of being honest! Why the hell did you treat her like shit? Why do you still question her?"

"It's none your damn-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Garrus cut in again. "You think it's none of my damn business but your wrong. Jamison _is_ my business. Everything and anything that affects her, affects me. So when the man she loves decides to walk out on her and treat her like an enemy, I get to find out why."

"It's just after her work with Cerberus I didn't know if I can trust her."

Garrus sighed. "Work with Cerberus was a questionable move, but what choice did she have? How else was she going to save the colonies from the Collectors? What was the Alliance doing at the time to stop them?" Again, Kaidan was silent and unable to respond. After a long stretch of quiet with Kaidan guiltily avoiding eye contact, Garrus continued. "Do you even feel bad for how you've treated her?"

Kaidan's head snapped up in attention, his biotics flaring wildly filling the room with a harsh blue light. "Every damn day," he responded fiercely. With that being said he pushed himself up from his chair and began to pace the room. "What else do you want to know Garrus? Yes, I feel like shit every time I think about Horizon or Mars or the Citadel. Every morning I wake up with this stabbing pang of guilt that starts in my stomach and radiates into my chest so that I feel like I can't breathe, that I'm drowning slowly! At night I fall asleep thinking of her and then I have repetitive nightmares that she dies a 1000 times over and I still can't save her. The only time I feel better or normal or sane is when I'm with her but 99% of the time she's with you and I'm reminded of how she doesn't love me anymore. So with all of that being said, what else can I help you with?"

It was Garrus' turn to look disconcerted and it wasn't lost on Kaidan. He stopped pacing long enough to eye the Turian carefully, aware that his anger had already broken down his sense of reason. "Don't make the mistake of thinking that I don't love her. Her feelings may have changed, but mine haven't."

"Oh really?" Garrus teased, standing to face Kaidan dead on. "How's that doctor in the Citadel?"

Kaidan paused. "What doctor?" He asked in confusion.

Garrus paused, his mandibles stretching in a mischievous grin. "The doctor," Garrus stated obviously. "The one you _moved on_ with?"

"Why you, motherfu-"

The sliding doors of the Observation Deck opened quickly before Kaidan could finish his sentence. The one and only Commander Jamison Shepard walked in the door. It was an awkward setting and Shepard immediately knew that she had interfered at the right time. Kaidan's biotics were glaring brightly, his face contorted with a barely concealed fury as he stood a few feet from Garrus. Garrus was standing in a tense pose, as if waiting to spring into action. Shepard knew this pose well: It was how Garrus stood before he shot Harkin in the knee…

"Joker said you two were having a disagreement." Both men remained quiet as Shepard looked from one to the other. "Anything you boys want to share with the class?" She asked, attempting to prod them further.

Garrus stepped forward, clearing his throat. "Commander," he started. "I strongly disagree with your decision to allow Major Alenko aboard the Normandy."

Shepard wasn't fazed by this complaint. Joker and Liara had also expressed their dismay at Kaidan's presence so she felt relatively prepared with the proper response. "Garrus, I would like to bring out that Kaidan is a qualified Alliance officer and Council Spectre with tech skills that will only prove to be helpful in dealing with the Reapers or Reaper tech. Moreover, until I test out Javik's biotic capabilities in the field, I only have Liara to rely on in terms of biotic power. Kaidan's Reave ability will be extremely beneficial in a ground team and I'm not going to refuse his aid. If you have personal concerns regarding Kaidan's appointment on the Normandy, then I will be happy to address them privately."

Garrus was a veteran and he knew this statement was a dismissal coming from his commanding officer. "Very well Commander. I will leave this decision to your discretion." He left the room quickly until he could speak with her privately. Of course Garrus couldn't resist the backwards glance over his shoulder as he looked at Shepard questioningly._ You know we're going to talk about this later, right? _ Shepard nodded her assent, know the conversation wasn't going to be pleasant.

Once Garrus was gone, Shepard turned to face Kaidan directly. "Are you okay?" she asked, attempting to be both calm and friendly.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said unhelpfully.

Shepard frowned at this but at least his biotics were subsiding. That was always a good sign. "Are you going to tell me what that was about?"

"I think you know, Shepard."

Shepard crossed her arms, unsure if she should take the direct approach or the chicken shit approach. After a brief internal deliberation, cowardice won the day. "You and Garrus are my best officers and if there is something wrong the between the two of you, then it needs to be rectified. We can't afford a distraction caused by petty arguments in the superior ranks."

Kaidan sighed and pinched the bridge of nose, wishing the simple gesture would clear his mind. Shepard made it sound like him and Garrus were having a childish argument that could be done away with apologies.

Unlike Shepard, Kaidan decided to stop beating around the bush try the direct approach. "Jamison… I'm still in love with you."


End file.
